Why We Shouldn’t Yell at Our Children and How to Stop

MAY 20, 2019

It is easy to become frustrated with our children when they are misbehaving, or when we have had to instruct them multiple times to do something. It’s tempting to raise our voices to let them know that we’re serious about obedience. However, the issue with yelling is that it leads to obedience due to fear.

Why is staying calm as a parent so important? For starters, we shouldn’t want our children to do something we tell them to do because they are afraid us. While this technique may work for a while when they are little, as they get older they may rebel. The care effect will begin to wear off, and the dynamic of the relationship will change. Yelling can be addictive since it can yield results. However it is not the best way to encourage good behavior because yelling comes from a place of manipulation and force.

Yelling is an easy way to gain power over a situation, by turning to anger, rather than identifying the true struggle.

Of course, refraining from ever showing anger isn’t going to be easy. Sometimes anger gets the best of everyone. However, if we want respect, respect must be given. Respect is not earned through force and fear.

To help you refrain from yelling at your children, here are some helpful tips to keep in mind as you begin new approaches to enforcing good behavior:

  • Don’t take it personally: Don’t take it personally when your child misbehaves or does not listen. Children have bad days the same as we.

  • Listen to your children: Listen to what your children have to say. There could be a deeper reason why they are not listening. If we listen to them, they will listen to us.

  • Consistency is key: Make your expectations clear. Although you are no longer yelling to correct behavior, you must still discipline your child.

  • Use do’s instead of don’ts: Don’t make a threat about what will happen if they don’t do something. Rather, excite them about a reward if they do. Instead of “If you don’t finish your lunch, you can’t have play time”, change it to “If you finish your lunch, you can have play time with your friends!” Keep things positive.

  • Walk away and take time when needed: If you need a second to cool down, take that second! Excuse yourself to another room and take some deep breaths. Then decide how to calmly approach the situation.

These difficult changes can take time to make. However, these changes can lead to a more healthful relationship with your children.

If these steps feel overwhelming, start small. Make a goal not to yell for one day. Gradually increase the time as you succeed. In the comments below, let us know how less yelling works for you.

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